IN ITS ORIGINAL FORMAT TOWARDS A DEFINITION OF WORK Getting up During the hours of darkness Specially Is work Putting clothes on When they are not the apparel You would normally choose to wear Is work At any given moment if you are wearing clothes You don’t want to wear Because of work You are working Washing the clothes and hanging them out is work Wearing that useless object, the tie, is always work. Save for some men who like wearing ties because they point to their penises And even that is sometimes work when you come to think about it Eating breakfast is work. Because you have to make a meal Prepared especially early For the expedience of the day And that’s work For this reason it turns out that most eating done, at least until you come home at night, and maybe even sometimes thereafter, is work. Saying good morning To the people you work with Is work Especially if you sit nearest the door And seeming hundreds of people Say good morning to you every morning. Talking to anyone that you would not usually talk to, through choice, in your leisure time, is work. In fact, if you see them out in the street and say hello to them, however briefly, that is work. Playing a crap computer game in work When you could be playing a good one at home is work. Doing nothing in work Is work Because you are doing Someone Else’s Nothing and that is work. If you would be doing your own nothing You would perhaps be wandering about looking at girls And listening to Clear Spot On the personal audio forgetting-device. But no, you are doing Someone Else’s Nothing, And that is work. Avoiding work, in work, is work. Thinking about work is work. Going for a pwp in work is work. So if you want a pwp, go in work because if you’ve gotta have a pwp anyway you may as well have it in work and get paid for it. Thinking about play in work is work. Talking people from work, avoiding and/or ignoring people from work is work. Even accidentally ignoring people from work is work Though I do not quite know why. It is work when you still feel like you have a ax buried in you head at 8.30 Monday night. And while my people are not free I am not……… …….SUDDENLY, IN HIS HEAD, A BELL SOUNDED…. (perhaps you have a definition of something that is work? If so send to greatpopthings @ gmail dot com

CHAPTER (RUN UP TO “WHAT THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM DID NEXT” WITH SLIGHT DIFFERENCES WHICH ENG LIT PSEUDS CAN USE TO SUCK ALL THE FUN OUTTA IT IF THEY SO DESIRE) Elliot Rogers: Trapped In A World He Never Made! ELSEWHERE THAT THURSDAY ON THE CUSP OF THE 21st CENTURY Nothing; faster than light. Einstein said that….. ……..in the beginning was the word and the word was "hello". A Water Utilities Store /Cusp of the C21st Wales We’re busy doing nothing Nothing the whole day through Trying to find Lots of things not to do. -Zen mantra Pan across office, tawdry calendar, floppy fringed pale man with latent charisma sat twiddling thumbs at computer. He is doing nothing. Whose nothing we are not quite sure of yet. Music: “Steal Stuff From Work” by King Missile. …and welcome to Elliot Rogers’ job; looking after the people who look after the drains. It was officially the second worst job in the UK, but only because he didn't get shit all over him. This tall, skinny white movie star mop hair man with a brain the size of a planet had fetched up in this terrible job in the Company X Utilities Store on account of his having fallen through the cracks of the perhaps deliberately crap educational system of Late Capitalism. A bell rang. He got up and walked in a direction, over to a mesh metal grille which a coarse working class type fellow looked through. ’Ave yew gorreny medium padlocks?” asked the man. Alas, poor Elliot, he knew how this would go. “No”, he replied, “we have no medium padlocks. We have large padlocks and small padlocks…” His voice took on a slightly tetchy aspect. His was the habit of getting annoyed straight away, to save time. “Give us a look at them then…” “Not a-fuckin-gain” sighed Elliot. He walked to the back of the labyrinthine Company X stores Past dingy 1960s racing green aluminum and gray dusty meccano shelving. Past pipe, copper and killer, fly. Past standpipes and stopcocks flange spigots and spuddles, a distance of some 30-odd yards. He picked up two padlocks, a large one and a small one. The large one fit his whole hand and the small one was about a third of the size. He held it twixt thumb and forefinger. He walked back and placed them upon the scuffed metallic counter. “Here we go” he sighed wearily. “What took you so long?” asked the man. It was the custom under the divisive regime of late capitalism to constantly imply that the one’s workmate was a lazy workshy no account individual. ”I had an adventure back there, involving a lion and a witch and a dwarf. They said I was a manchild son of Adam”, said Elliot, not without sarcasm. “Fuck me I wish I adden asked now” said the man. “me neither” “You taking the fucking piss?” The man looked at the padlocks quizzically. “I don’t SOPPOSE” he said, “I don’t SOPPOSE….” (“Go on”, thought Elliot Rogers, “say the thing. Say the thing they always say”). “you got…..ennything…..between them two sizes?” “No” “None at all?” “No” “You SURE now? “ “Yes” …. “Oh….” The ruffian grimaced, a mixture of puzzlement, annoyance, and frustration, “well I’ve addem from yur before!” he snapped. Farting a fart that was piquant with a hint of olives, he walked off muttering, “this fucking stores is getting WORSE!”. Elliot took the bastard padlocks, walked all the fucking way to the back of the cunting stores, past cardboards boxes, mice-dropping-covered soap, shelves marked with numbers and letters of the alphabet, chemical symbols and secret stashes of pornography and draw. “Why?” Was what he asked. He placed the large and small padlocks back in their respective numbered coloured plastic tray receptacles. Someone wanted a small padlock or a large padlock, fair enough, but…these medium padlocks, they did not exist. What he asked was “why?” Nevertheless. The way the medium padlocks did not exist, yet could still be among the very worst things, was like this: people believed in them. Without fail, every couple of days, like a Morris Dancer stomping on the face of humanity, someone asked for them. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow crept on the petty fucking pace from day to cunting day. This business, of demonstrating that things did not exist, in order to make people go away, wasted his valuable staring into space time time. Furthermore, according to the late-capitalist methodology of those stupid bastards in suits that ran the place, Elliot had done precisely nothing for the last ten minutes. None of the delicate negotiations about the non-existent padlocks counted as even a nanosecond of work. The previous scene did not exist, for no event of significance to Late Capitalism had taken place. The Powers That Be would look at their little pieces of paper, divide how many padlocks, Wellingtons, Flange Spigots, Scroping Lummocks, etc., had been dispensed by the Company X store. They would enter what was on the bits of paper into The Vasty Machine so as to apply the Twisted Formula that divided the workforce in the amount of hours there were in a working day, what people did it and what they got paid. Company X was owned by The Shareholders, which was the fault of Thatcherwasm. The management of Company X did everything to please The Shareholders. By using the Twisted Formulae they would invariably conclude that people weren’t doing enough work, and for far too much money. However many times they ran the Twisted Formulae, they never concluded that people were doing too much, and for not enough money, which was the truth of the matter. History has named it the Twisted Formula because of this; it failed to take into account the idea of Someone Else’s Nothing. After Time Travel, of course, the Twisted Formula becomes redundant along with the Stock Exchange. (EQUASION DEMONSTRATING THIS ALGEBRAICALLY THRU HEIROGRAPHICS) How exactly the Twisted Formulae were arrived at was known only in The Secret Office Of The Illuminati. Late capitalism required cheap labour, even though at that stage of human development it was humungously obvious that if all was shared out fairly, everything would be all right. It even said so amongst the Gobbledegook of their Religious Books. Elliot pondered how, in his ideal world, suits would be outlawed except when worn by jazz musicians.

CHAPTER/EXTRACT #1 WHY THINGS VANISH AND THEN APPEAR AGAIN by Clark Gwent You know when you have looked for something all over the house and it's not there and you are saying "oh bugger where did I put that?"? And then you find it somewhere you have already looked? There is a simple explanation for this: time travel is subtly disrupting our everyday lives, even now. You will also be familiar with the phenomenon of when you drop something, and ends up either much further away than you would expect it to be, or else vanishes altogether. We’ve all had these things happen, there’s no denying it. Yet science ignores these phenomena altogether. (See my article in TorfaenTimes “Dropping Things And The Anthropic Principle”). To sum up: I believe science is ignoring certain physical phenomena, which occur when we drop things. This is because they are jealous of me because I have worked it out and they haven’t. They can’t face up to the fact that a schmuck like me can have come up with brilliant theories such as these. Read a few physics books, some Celtic mythology, some science fiction and A bit of Alestier Crowley, and you too will come to the same conclusions as I: 1) PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY VISITING US FROM THE FUTURE! WE DO NOT NOTICE THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE KEPT IN CHECK BY AN ORGANISATION CALLED THE FRIEND POLICE! 2) THE FRIEND POLICE ALSO REPAIR RIFTS IN SPACE CAUSED BY ROGUE TRAVELLERS! 3) BY THE 25THE CENTURY, THE FRIEND POLICE WILL HAVE MANIPULATED THE TIMESTREAM WITH SUCH THOROUGHNESS THAT THE CITIZENS OF THAT LONG-OFF ERA LIVE IN A WORLDWIDE SOCIALIST UTOPIA! 4) THE MANIPULATION OF TIME IS POSSIBLE USING A PROCESS COMBINING TANTRIC MASTURBATION AND GENETICALLY MODIFIED CANNABIS! 5) THE COMMONLY HELD BELIEF THAT “If Time travel is ever going to exist, it already does”, DESTROYED, AND WHY THIS IN NO WAY INVALIDATES POINTS 1 THRU 4! 6) WHY MALE HOMOSEXUALITY DOESN’T EXIST IN THE 25TH CENTURY! 7) A LIST OF OCCUPATIONS THAT NO LONGER EXIST IN THE 25th CENTURY! 8) THE APES THAT WALK LIKE CHICKENS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UDA1kEFj6A&feature=youtu.be&a=